insecurities

By Leslie MacGillivray

My inability to drown out the overwhelming authority 
of my inner voice 
has enabled it to have a choke hold 
around my words for most of my life. 

I thought it simply must be a character trait 
of being a woman 
it certainly has been a necessity 
for being seen as a good daughter.

A protection against those words 
that long to come out 
that would be disapproved of 
would change the carefully crafted image I created. 

A defense for the feelings written out in perfect sentences that 
would merely be glanced at 
and then discarded 
for material far more stimulating. 

This is how I have seen myself 
in the memories of my childhood
that I have carried over 
into the everyday routine that seems to be my life.

So I dream that I am more. 
More exciting, interesting, dynamic, more everything 
that would make me the kind of person
I would dream of knowing. 

But dreams aren’t real, 
and unfortunately 
at this rather disappointing moment, 
I am.

I am the girl that no one knows,
surrounded by people and friends. 
I make them laugh and feel great about themselves. 
I keep everything light and silly. 

That is my fortress 
and no one penetrates it 
because they have no idea 
they are shut out.

Learn more about Leslie in her bio on the Featured Author page.

Published by HLWW Featured Author

Featured Author of the Heartland Society of Women Writers

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